Jesus would let the band play on!

A personal experience on Prayers of Love and Faith

Gerry’s story:

Jazz and myself were married at Halifax registry office on Friday 6th December 2024. It was a stark and quick affair, staff were lovely but the room was tired and far from romantic. It was all very clinical… basically a clerical exercise to make our marriage official. I think both us just wanted to get it over and done with, so we could get out of there.

The service incorporating the Prayers of Love and Faith in our local church, by contrast, was Amazing! Catherine had taken the time to find out from us what we’d like and plan something that felt far more personal. We wanted some religious solemnity but also a feeling of love and celebration. It mattered to us that we could share it with our church community.

Declaring our love, committing ourselves to each other under the eyes of God and in front of family and friends, many of whom are members of the congregation, was incredibly powerful and made it all the more celebratory.

We thought long and hard about our choices of music, especially those which represented our love and feelings for each other. Our eldest son Thomas (let’s get the Tom and Gerry jokes over with now) suggested inserting our personal promises within our chosen pieces of music dedicated to each other. It was beautiful, and ironically would not have been an option had we been having an actual church wedding.

We were able to involve our friends and family in aspects of the service too. From Jay, a lesbian friend playing hymns on the organ, to Pachelbel’s cannon on the Triple harp from Katie Widdop. (Katie designs and builds her own harps and is the only person in the country making Quadruple harps. She is very knowledgeable about her niche, do look her up if you’re interested!)

So, once the music and details of the service had been settled we could focus on dressing the church. We knew we wanted a romantic Victorian feel, so candles were paramount, both battery operated ones and real ones. Catherine also allowed us to bring our own candlestick from home with sentimental value to us, for the rainbow candle we used.

Our boys were outstanding, assisting wherever they could, two of them walking Jazz and myself down the aisle whilst the youngest followed as ring bearer.

It was during the rehearsal, the night before, that we discovered one our chosen tracks didn’t work. But thanks to Andy, who was to be our DJ the following evening, a solution was found and a calamity avoided.

So much love present, from all walks of life, including a friend who offered to dress as a Chimney sweep. A dying tradition, but one my late father used to perform for couples in our old village.

So much love present, from all walks of life

It was also moving having Catherine remembering our late parents in the prayers.

With so much love and so much commitment to the teachings of Jesus it is a shame that the church still refuses to acknowledge and accept Gay marriage. To allow us to actually be married in our own churches.

It seems to me very hypocritical that the church is happy to marry non-believers, or those who have not stepped foot in church since their baptism. Yet practicing Christians who help and support the church, and their works, are banned, purely for being gay.

I’m sure if Jesus was alive today, a man who welcomed those on the edge of society. He’d be furious at such behaviour.  Behaviour by those who profess to follow his teachings… but do they?

Jazz and I came of age in the 80’s, when society wasn’t very kind to Lesbians or gay men. We each had a parent that was anti Lesbian. It was a difficult time for all especially with Aids. As lesbians you were viewed as lesser people…women not wanting children, unnatural. Which is why so many women toed the line, or in some cases, were forced to toe the line.

Having lived through such a time where being yourself i.e. – as God made you, was viewed with contempt. It is hard to acknowledge the churches stance on disallowing gay marriage. It hurts and makes you feel a lesser being.

All the more poignant when you remember the words said during communion. “We are of one body because, we share the same bread”.

Catherine enabled us to feel loved and accepted as a couple, by God, our family and our church community. Thank you.

Jazz’s story:

I left the church many years ago, though Christ was still in my heart.

When I felt ready to return to the church, supported by my girlfriend Gerry, I cried with joy, I felt accepted and at home.

I didn’t know then that Gerry and I would soon be married…so much joy. 

But alas… then to discover that we could not be married in our church.

Disappointed.

I feel that the church has lost its way simply by adhering to the wishes of a small minority, rather than standing by the majority. There are many in our own congregation who didn’t know the churches stance on gay marriage.

I feel like the church has lost its way. 

If Jesus was here today, I think he would be horrified to know that those who profess to follow his teachings, have distorted them, it’s such a shame 

Gerry and Jazz attend St Mary’s Todmorden, a Church of England Inclusive Church (in God’s own county)